Sunday, April 20, 2014

A State of Mind

   I lived in Texas for a very few short months back in spring of 2001. I ended up leaving because of all things- my allergies were making me miserable. The weather, the grass, the giant bugs, loneliness and the feeling of failure of being 2 years post college and still not having any experience or that dream job to show for it. Moving there was a vain attempt to gain independence- leave what I considered a small town.  Never mind I gave up in under 4 months and most of that spent in continuous misery of allergies brought on by something I was so excited to do regularly...mowing the grass. I had allergies on occasion back home in Missouri, but nothing like this. For the better part of those 4 months, it was one continuous , raspy, watery eyed sneeze-a-thon, snotfest, snottopia, snotapalooza... (I could go on)  So, I tucked tail and moved back home. Defeated...  4 months.  I chalk that up to one of the most stupid things I ever did. Not sure on which one- moving to Texas, or moving back home.
 
      It was just a few months after I moved back to my home state that 9/11 happened and everything changed and it just seemed that time just froze. I think every generation has that event of  "where were you when...?" That was definitely mine-  having just turned the ripe old age of 24, clueless, naive and broke. Funny thing is I remember an episode that Oprah had called "quarter life crisis" that same summer. It's definitely a stupid age. It's pivotal for sure. You aren't as young, and yet  you really aren't an adult except for your numerical age. Yet some people have full blown families and real lives by then. Then I think maybe if I hadn't wasted 5 years (it was only 5 because of my major- not because of bad grades or undecided major choosing) on college, life would have been different. It would have forced me to get real that many years sooner. Maybe if I had NOT kept dating that nice guy I started dating my senior year in high school and dragged out for the next decade life would have been different.  Maybe?  Maybe if I had spoken up more, life would have been different. Some days all I have is the fact that I know without a doubt I am where I am supposed to be,despite the overwhelming fact I squandered my 20's on the wrong job, wrong guy, wrong state.
     A few days after my 29th birthday, I gave notice at my crappy job, and bought a one way ticket to Washington state. I had a safety net, but I was determined to make this move stick. Thank God it did. Ironically I now live in a town a small  fraction of the size of my hometown and I love it. I'm also excited to announce I can mow the grass without it turning into anymore than grass stains on my shoes.
    Well, you know... it's the little things.

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